Alone

 It's a lonely planet. There are 7 billion souls on this planet and I am lonely.

I feel alone. I am alone. I make mistakes. I suffer. I cry.

I live in Greater Seattle area and live in the city. I am surrounded by people going about Their daily life. And yet, I feel alone. I have nobody to love and nobody that loves me.

I went on a long walk today and the weather was crisp with a pleasant 40 degrees Fahrenheit (4 degrees celsius). It was partially sunny and I could see the moon rising at 4pm. It was pleasant sight to see.

And yet every step I took felt so heavy. I feel unwanted by my family. My ex wife is out to inflict maximum harm on me. My daughter is growing up hating me. I wonder what the future holds. I wonder the amount of pain that is awaiting me in the future.

It feels pointless to be alive to experience pain. Being alive is a gift. One should be able to enjoy all the joys of being alive. And I live in immense pain. One that cannot be described in words.

I wonder how many more years do I trudge myself one step at a time while experiencing this pain. I wonder why doesn't my life end soon rather than facing the pain. I am alive so that my daughter doesn't feel abandoned. 

But I have no interest in life. I have nothing to look forward to. I have nobody to love unconditionally. I am lonely.

When I think of the future all I experience is pain. I wish and I only wish I don't live long. I wish my life is taken away at the earliest. 

This life is not worth living. It is a lonely planet for me.